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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  April 6, 2012 6:00pm-6:30pm PDT

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well, goodbye, guys. it was nice getting to know you. you're leaving already? i have to. my dad's always on the move. wow, i feel kind of bad for that kid. yeah, just when he was being accepted, he has to leave and start over. parents can be so cruel. don't they realize that what a child needs more than anything is security? more pie, hon? uh...nuh... no...more... pie. [ groans ] -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com captions paid for by mtv networks captioning sponsored by comedy central >> april 5th, 2012, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart.
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(cheers and applause) hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart, thank you for being here. my guests tonight, chef, author and tv host anthony bourdain. he's going to be on the program telling us all about the new places and cuisines that he has been enjoying around the world. as i'm sure you know, there has been a debate raging in recent areas in this country over the appropriate size of our government and whether it can be entrusted with so much of our money. even if you believe that much of the complaining over big wasteful government spending is everblown, tonight we have a story that might make you reconsider, perhaps even invest in some poster board and a tricornered hat of your own. >> las vegas is no stranger to wild spending sprees. but it's not supposed to happen at a government conference. on the taxpayers' dime. >> jon: unless it is the government of party-- in
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which case that is exactly what you would expect, president boomer? (laughter) so that's the damage? >> two story suites that normally go for $22 per night. >> $75,000 in a training exercise that put bikes together. >> more than $100,000 just to plan a four-day las vegas conference. >> some of that money went for clowns, and a mindreader. >> more than $6,000 on what is basically swag. canteens, key chains, t-shirts. >> a final head-spinning price tag $8127-- $823,000. >> jon: not only did the government blow almost a million dollars of our money in vegas, they blew it on lame [bleep] canteens? clowns and bicycles? you're in vegas. unless those canteens are filled with cocaine and
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bicycle is a government acronym for japanese [bleep] swing, you-- you are a disgrace to corruption everywhere. (laughter) i think i am less up set about the waste of money than mi with the waste of opportunity. let me give you an example of how to waste a million dollars in vegas. yeah, you mr. peters in room 413, i would like to see a tiger and a penguin [bleep] yeah, that's right. and i got any left over send up two bottles of evian. you're welcome. all right. so a giant and extreme waste of government money for a conference. talk about scan balances. but does this event rise to the level of oh for good's sakes. it does. >> the lavish las vegas conference organized by the federal government's general service its administration,
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the general services administration is the government's landlord and procurement manager. it is supposed to set the standard for efficiency and cost-cutting. >> jon: irony. the people holding the conference that wasted a ton of government money are the people in charge of making sure the government doesn't waste a ton of money. like the center for disease control holding a conference in andy dickey jacuzzi. (laughter) it's like the justice department selling guns to mexican drug dealers. what? they-- they did? you've got to be kidding me! oh, it gets better. even better than the scandal of spending $800,000 on a conference, even better than spending $800,000 on a
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conference when are you in charge of preventing overspending is this. >> they got $80,000 spent just on area books for the conference participants. they got momentos. >> jon: yearbooks! they got yearbook, the people in government known for efficiency and cost-cutting made sure they would have physical evidence of the boondoggle they had in vegas. i believe we have a picture of the agency's director from the yearbook. oh yeah look, she was voted most lakely to resign over this comical misunderstanding of the agency's mission. (cheers and applause) by now you are probably saying oh, right, it's boondoggle of epic and ironic proportions, but is there one single expenditure that in and of itself isn't exorbitant but is still able to capture the distilled esence of hubris and incompetence that was on display here. >> more than $6300 for commemorative coins.
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(laughter) >> jon: 6,300 of our money to make fake money come mem rating the weekend they all wasted our money. all told, this scandal has created that rarest of things, a truly justifiable media firestorm. commentators everywhere have had a field day with this thing, particularly at fox news. and let me just say this, you're right. this one is totally legitimate to go after. well done. (laughter) >> jon: still though, i was surprised by the degree of intensity with which one fox commentator has seized on one particular detail. >> $4 per shrimp at a cocktail reception, four bucks. at shopright, one shrimp will cost you 27 cents. i wonder what happens in
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vegas stays in vegas. shrimp are marked up 1,381 percent. now i have been fortunate in my life and can buy pretty much whatever i want. but still when i walk that a place and see an outrage us price tag i walk away. it's my upbring. i'm to the going to pay 4 bucks for a shrimp, ever! (laughter) >> jon: i would rather strangle a [bleep] pelican and pull a beak full of shrimp out and eat them for free then pay for-- actually, while some might hear that as a declaration of principles, i see it as something more. i see it as a challenge. join me now as we play you can make bill o reilly pay $4 for a shrimp. at home all you need to do is this, very simple. all you need to do is this all i into need to play this at home is a plate of shrimp. four $1 bills, oh and we need bill o'reilly. oh, that's the only thing we
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don't-- oh my god! bill o'reilly? >>. >> why are you bothering me, stewart, i'm not paying four bucks for a shrimp. (cheers and applause) >> jon: all right, let's not get ahead of ourselves, bill. thanks for joining us. you know how the game is played. let's get right to it. >> you're wasting your time. >> jon: no, no, no, listen here is our first scenario you, bill o'reilly have a rare medical condition that requires the consumption of at least one shrimp per day. there are two stores in town, one of them pinheads are us sells shrimp for 27 cents but their profit goes to fund the aclu. the other patriots usa sells shrimp for $4 a shrimp, but donates all its proceeds to a shell ter for flags that have been damaged in fires. (laughter) you need the shrimp, o'reilly. one one do you buy. >> i'm not eating the shrimp, i'm not buying the shrimp, i will give a donation for bill o'reilly.com to the flag people. no shrimp rz all right, all right, would you pay $4 for a shrimp if it were wrapped
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in a $10 bill netting you a profit of $6? >> i would steal the $4 shrimp, and then donate it to the occupy wall street folks so they know what the 1%ers eat. >> jon: try this one. >> i don't buy it. >> jon: aliens have invaded earth, and have used some kind of shrimpifying ray. turning all our food into shrimp and against all economic principles instead of causing the price to plumb at the time somehow raises the price-- to $4 and you discover there is an exhaust port in their space sheep that you can use to blow it up. the port is the same exact size and shape of a shrimp, would you buy a $4 shrimp to throw into the exhaust port and save the planet. >> no. (laughter) >> any that allows $4 shrimp, not worth saving. >> jon: that is the
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benchmark. last one. a man comes to you with a time machine. the information that he has is that hitler is allergic to shrimp. only $4 shrimp-- that's the buzzer, i have lost. bill o'reilly has held strong in his refusal to pay $4 for shrimp. i salute you, sir. >> i can't believe awe knowed me with this. >> jon: what? >> i can't believe awe knowed me with this. (laughter) >> jon: apologize t won't happen again, sir. your prize will be coming to you. a $1,000 paid in the form of $250 shrimp-- 250 shrimp. >> stewart, you know what you can do with your shrimp. >> jon: fine, all right. bill o'reilly, everybody. slow.
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bet you think you're pretty quick? yeah, i guess it is pretty quick. jesse?!? jesse? jesse?! much obliged. suddenly, everything else seems old-fashioned. ultrabook. inspired by intel.
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♪ we♪ sure,mile i had a salad for lunch ♪ ♪ but a miller 64 at dinner? ♪ oh yes, 'cause i've worked off my paunch ♪ ♪ 'cause we live a life of balance ♪ ♪ and no one can say that we're wrong ♪ ♪ so here's to good miller, who cut out the filler ♪
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♪ and made a beer worthy of song ♪ ♪ to miller 64 ♪ to miller 64 ♪ to love, sweat and beers and well deserved cheers ♪ ♪ to miller 64 >> jon: welcome back. social media, the phrase about a thing, people everywhere are talking about on social media. and it's something our president is known to excel at. >> president obama was the ringleader when it came to social media and engaging those young voters, is he still the king. >> mr. obama pioneered the president's use of social media. >> obama during the presidential campaign used social media very, very well. they raised a lot of money on-line. >> he is our first social media president. he has connected with supporters on facebook, twitter and tumbler and is now on instagram.
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>> jon: wow, oh my god. he wastes a lot of time on [bleep]. (laughter) mr. president, the russians are on the line. >> sh, i'm a check in away from being the mayor of white house on four square. and then it's on to the cinnamon challenge. (laughter) >> jon: i didn't know what it was either. don't-- all right. this president is 1/10 level techno e wizard. and that is why on behalf of myself and any like-minded individuals out there i would like to say to the president, stop it. (laughter) or if you are going to use the technology, i ask only that you not have to take on the persona of the median age of the technology's other users. for instance, i received some of your campaign e-mails. i happen to get e-mails from all the campaigns. and the ones from barack obama have the subject line "hey, this is wrong"
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you don't need to address anyone as "hey" to be cool. you're the president. that's pretty [bleep] cool. when an e-mail is from you the subject line should pretty much just be "from the president" me. you don't need to resort to the kinds of fake, familiarity that is like spamers use to get me to buy an iphone 6. it's not a real iphone. and second, every time i open those supercasual bro-mails, the message is always the same. give me money. every time. it's like you don't even really value our make believe friendship. seriously there are exiled nigerian princes getting obama campaign e-mails going, ease up on the money thing, fellow. but getting dozens of how is it hanging from you is ruining my actual
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friendship. now when anyone e-mails me just to say "hey" i've been trained pavlov's dog style to assume that they're really just asking me for $75. dennis leary tells me subject line go [bleep] myself, i won't know if he really means it, even when he tells me really means it. (laughter) still going to be thinking some with in there he's just looking for $75 bucks. my point is i would mind it less if your campaign solicitation e-mails were subject line give me money. then i would know the parameters of our relationship. here's another one." dinner? "and" john? "can we meet for different. okay. i will make a couple of burgers, it will be all good. then a few days later it's i'm bringing michelle. and i'm like oh, great, now they have to be grass fed locally sourced burgers. and now that there are three
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of us they are going to have to be sliders because i don't have enough burger. meanwhile the president and i are developing our relationship his wife is e-mailing me on the dl, me again. and i love you back. lady, your husband's going to be here in like an hour. and then comes the kicker, me, barak and you? no! okay! but we have to establish some ground rules. first of all, don't post any of these pictures on what was that insta-gram. hmmmm. i will say i once did receive one of these casually subjected political e-mails that i did enjoy. it came from a different campaign. we sign up for all of them so we can pretend we're popular. this one came from marcus bachmann, the famously flamboyant runner of the clinics and michele bachmann's husband, the subject line of the e-mail, i swear to you," shh, don't tell michele ". that is an intriguing e-mail. i didn't click on it but all
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i can say is this don't worry girlfriend, she already knows. well answer right back. cheertion plaus
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>> welcome back. my guest tonight he is a chef and author. his show for the travel channel is called no reservations. >> people here whenever they have a hangover, they always come, either we take the medium ones or the big once. normally they open better than the small once. all right, so -- >> you can tell me why you fish here. >> you company back here and pick a restaurant, this is say place, they sit there and cook it for us. >> done. >> i got to get out more. >> jon: please welcome anthony bourdain. kmeers plaus-- (cheers and applause)
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>> all right. >> jon: nice to see you. >> good to be here. >> jon: we love your show. it's a great show. here is what i have decide. your job is what people would do if they didn't have to work. it is the greatest, you travel around the world, american all over, engaging with the local, eating the local food. it's amazing. >> i have the best job in the world, there's no doubt about it. >> jon: how often are you on the road. >> about 220 days a year, something lake that. so i'm away from home a lot. but you know, i decide where we go. i make the show the way me and my friends want to make it. the network interferes near to not at all. so i can hardly complain about the boss. >> jon: is there a place you haven't been to that was too difficult to get to, the arrangements couldn't be made, was there -- >> i dreamed for a long time,
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we tried year after year to do a-- i'm obsessed with apocalypse now and heart of darkness. and i see myself every year going up the river, you know, tracing the trip up the congo. >> jon: uh-huh. >> there have been some health and safety concerns that have prevented that from happening. >> jon: i can just see the shot, you rising up from the river, so nothing in let's say war-torn regions. >> well, we had a taste of that in 2006. we were shooting-- . >> jon: a happy food show. >> and it ended up getting evacuated by the marines. we have certainly shot at someplaces where anything resembling infrastructure is, you know, well, not really there. it is impressive. >> jon: some of the places you go to some of the things you eat, it's impresse impresses-- impress of. i have gotten diarrhea from watching your show. i have, i was struck down recently with a terrible, watching the mozambique
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preview and just got hit, just bad. couldn't believe the house for two days. >> we jeck on the show if there is not at least a 50% chance of diarrhea when you eat something it's almost not worth eating. >> jon: it really isn't. do you have, like are there certain precautions that you take when you go into these areas, like shots and -- >> yeah, we've had the full spectrum but honestly we avoid the hotel breakfast buff aye, that thing is lethal. >> jon: would you say that even in the states. >> that, you know, that sort of forlorn, the shiny ham, the con guiled eggs, the little-- no, that stuff is, that is a investigator, that is not a meal. >> jon: . >> the display of bacon always, because i'm a huge fan of bacon but once it gets, somehow when it starts to layer and get on top of-- in the crevasses lives baconela or whatever it is. >> if it's board jerky like, then bacon like, you probably shouldn't be, yeah. >> jon: have you been struck
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by the ability of food to bring cultures together everywhere, have you ever been to a place where food was not important to the culture, where it was -- >> there are, it's a bad place, you know, where people are immune to the joys of eating and that has nothing to do with budget. dependably the best food, the best times we have had on the road are off then very poor countries where they have little to work with and do a lot with it. countries that just don't pay attention to food at all,a a the a all, someone who says i'm not really interested in food, is like saying i don't like music and i'm not interested in sex either. -- hate joy. >> jon: colors don't do it for me. >> yeah. not interested. >> jon: it's incredible. i'm always, you know, i do a very different kind of traveling, traveling for company dae and going to clubs. but i'm always curious how you infiltrate the local restaurant system. how do you do that? where do you go to find
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actual real good local food. >> drink a lot with locals. >> jon: so it starts with drink. >> it really helps. you want to eat where going to the early morning market is useful because you see what people are buying and the little places ashe them that market workers eat in. people are proud of their food. and they will till, they will recognize a freakishly tall american and say have you eaten this yet. you don't have to tell me-- jses you don't have to tell me. (laughter) in new york, do you find, is that your comfort level now, you feel like all, in new york. >> you know, it's a big city, i'm always, you always discover new things about telephone. but the perfect example, you always are looking for, what dow eat in new york if you only have one day here, not the best restaurant, what are we good at in new york, the best at in new york that nobody else has good at. way say bagels, nova cream cheese, deli. we are better at deli than anybody. so that is what you do. when you are looking for the sort of vietnamese version
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of deli or singaporean version of deli wa, do they do better than anyone else, like a nooz el bagel, something like that. >> you might be on to something. >> jon: that is why i don't cook it is great to you have. we love the show, the 8th season, no reservations premiers on the travel channel april 9th, 9:00 p.m., anthony bourdain. (cheers and applause)
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hi, my name is suzy, and i've had a stroke due to my cigarette smoking. i now need help with feeding, dressing, bathing, even going to the bathroom. sometimes it's people who work here; sometimes it's my son, daniel. my tip to you is: enjoy your independence now. you can quit. for free help, visit smokefree.gov.